Marnie:

"Marnie, we're ready for you on stage in five."

I nodded towards Cal, my stage manager/director.

I felt sick, so sick. Miley Cyrus did catch me off guard and make me feel like I was a inch tall, but I'm over it.
Sort of.

Demi was furious, and to be honest I should have been too. I was just a jittering wreck. Sobbing on the floor, holding my face in agony.

Oh shut up Marnie you baby.
It's Miley-Fucking-Hannah-Montana-Cyrus.

I breathed in deeply.
As I breathed out, the door swung open.

"We're ready for you Miss Jonas."

I nodded shakily.

I'd done five shows, excluding the one that I called off, but for some reason I felt so nervous. Obviously I tried to blame the nerves, but it was blatantly for two reasons deep in my mind.

1. Hardly anyone would show up because of the incident.
2. I'd become an epic fail and forget everything.

The lights flashed, the white flicker-tape shutters shone on me, making my every move jolted and for the first song it set the tone brilliantly.

"I'm alive, I'm alive, that's what I say!

I'm alive, I'm alive, gonna live that way!

I'm alive and I'm gonna be living today!"

As I hit the last few notes the white sheets fell from the rails and the lights turned from dark and flickering, to bright and beautiful as I began my opening speech.

"Hello everybody!"
I waved at everybody.

Wow, I forgot the arena was this big.
Screams echoed and bounced off everywhere as I was greeted by the enthusiastic sound.
It was great.

"As you may know, I cancelled a gig on Saturday due to a illness called Cyrusfuckofosis."

The whole place cheered with glee and some 'oohs' and 'boos' but after that they all screamed again.

"I apologise for an problems that may of caused anybody."
I smiled.

"So, I wrote a quick song and I hope you like it."

Gabi, my pianist started to play.

"Sometimes you think you've,
Gotten over it,
You go out and have fun,
But then you get a hit,

You fall down now,
Staring at the crowd,
You awaken,
The monster standing there,

Why, oh why?
Do have to care?
Why, oh why?
Do you have to stare?

I ain't got no time for you,
I'm on the move,
Making my dreams come true,
Without you... yeah."

As I sung the last few words, I felt my face start to tremble.
No way. Marnie control yourself.

I knew I shouldn't have sung it.
It reminded me too much of...

Too much of...

Darkness then surrounded me, my world was engulfed by nothingness.

Great. Just great. My first show back and I was already out cold.

All of a sudden lights flashed back on, and I could see the crowd again.

Then my ear piece muttered.
"Marnie, we just had some technical problems up here."

I looked towards the sound box and Gareth mouthed, 'sorry' at me.

Thank fuck for that.
I thought I was going delusional.

"Ok, sorry about that guys, someone needs a new brain."
I giggled up at the sound booth.

As I played the rest of my set I was getting to the song about... him.
I picked a guy from the audience and sung it to them, so I didn't feel the need to think about... him, whilst I was singing it.

The audience all knew what was coming.

I scanned the first section of the aisles, not many guys there, and some of them looked as if they were there with their girlfriends, I didn't want to upset anybody so I tried a guy who looked like he was on his own or with friends.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a lone young man. He was standing in the sidelines looking up at me in his sunglasses. He had baggy dark blue jeans on, and a grey t-shirt with a green scarf. His hair was short, but very curly. He should let it grow, then it could be a gorgeous as... his... hair.

Ugh shut up. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to pick him, but my eyes were on him now, and to get someone else would've taken another ten minutes, searching the place.

"You." I said, firmly and directly pointing straight at this guy.

He stared, and then pointed to himself. I nodded.

Security grabbed his body and lifted him onto the stage.

I gave him a quick hug, his body was so muscular, and he had some amazing-smelling cologne on. The weird thing was, he refused to take his shades off, what? Did he have a glass eye or something?
But I didn't question it, if he wanted to wear them then fine.

"What's your name?" I asked smiling.

"Sam." He said quietly.

"So Sam, do you know this song?"
I asked as I motioned him to sit down on the stool beside mine.

He nodded.
I smiled.

"So, you can join in if you want." I grinned at him.

He half-smiled, shy guy I guess.

As I began to sing, I gripped his hand. Trying to make the song for him, and not for... the other.. him.

Marnie, shut it. This guy is waiting for you to dedicate this song to him, not to your ex-boyfriend who ripped your heart a part.

Half way through, I got up, squeezing his hand as I began to get into the intense part of the song. He followed my movements. Mouthing each word to me and I sung it.

"And now I have found,
The reason to be living,
You are here,
I am here,
That's all I need,
From now on..."

The note I hit was louder that I'd expected it to come out, my heart rate increased with the sudden anxiety of not being able to make the next note louder than the last.
Shit.
I took a big breath, and I could tell this 'Sam' saw my nerves building up.

But out of nowhere, this gusto of a note came riveting through my mouth, an impulsion I never had around anyone but ...him.

This guy was proving to be more than just a lucky audience member, he was my lucky star for the evening. The way he just stood there, making me feel so comfortable, just relaxed me.

I grabbed his arms, as I began to slowly finish my lyrics, trying desperately to see his eyes through his shady glasses.

"No other way,
To say,
You know,
It's true,
I,
Love,
You."

The last chords twinkled on the piano and the crowd cheered and I hugged Sam and he seemed to become more confident, he held me longer and with more grasp.
I spoke into the microphone as we parted from each other.
"Everybody give it up for Sam!"
I smiled as I raised his arm in the air.

As I reached for his hand to lift it upwards it collided with his glasses on his face and they fell off, shattering to the ground.

Damn, must have been some expensive shades.

I reached down to pick the parts of the glasses up off the ground, as I came back up Sam had leant down beside me trying to help, as I looked at him to hand back his sunglasses, my heart nearly stopped.

He had... his eyes.

The same eyes I looked into every day.

I had previously ignored all his other features, his jawline, hardly there and his perfectly placed lips.

Holy shit he was a replica. A clone, or something.

I tried to look for something he always wore like his dog tag.
There was nothing but a scarf around his neck.

Ok, so clear. It wasn't him, just a very scarily looking twin of him.

"Marnie." He breathed out.

Oh my god.

It was him.

"Marnie, I'm so so so sorry."

I felt his grip around me.

The whole audience gasped.

Tears made their way down my face. What the hell... what the freakin hell...

_________________________________________________________________________

"Marnie we're ready for you now."
Cal marched back in, snapping me out of my daydream, ugh falling asleep for even five minutes before a show isn't good.
I had such bad timing.

Ok, Marnie let's do this.

The set was awesome. I didn't trip on anything, not on words or anything on stage.

The last song I had to dedicate to someone to help me forget about ... him.

I spotted a guy with short curly hair and shades on.
What was with the glasses dude? Like everything a darker shade of life?
I picked him anyways, because it would've taken another year to find someone else.

His name was Sam, and I suddenly felt a shock of de ja vu. I recognized this guy.

As I ended the song and lifted his arm, I knocked his shades off his face.
Crap.
I bent down to pick them up when my head collided with his as he lent down too.
I looked up.
His eyes, bright sparkling blue and a mole right on the bridge of his nose, he was beautiful.
Just not as beautiful as...

"It's ok. I can get another pair." He smiled crookedly at me, watching the fear and embarassment in my face drain every other emotion out of me.

"I'm so sorry, I'll pay you for them."
I stuttered.

He started to shake his head, but I insisted.

"No, meet me backstage and I'll give you the money. Tell them who you are and I'll come and see you."
I said firmly.
He didn't refuse.

As he wandered back into the crowd the audience cheered.

The last song went so well.
I was filled with an uncontrollable buzz and my heart just wouldn't stop fluttering, this guy... Sam.
Saved my ass today.
He just helped me relax and feel so incre...

"Miss Jonas, we have a 'Sam' waiting for you."

I jumped up, and jolted out to the door.

"Hey Sam, here." I produced a wad of cash.

"Really, they weren't that much, no need to pay."
I still held the money in my hand, insistant he took it.

He took one note out of my hand.

"Really?" I asked.

"Really." He replied playfully.

As I went with him on his way out, I joked.
"Study that money carefully, you never know what I'd done to it... could be fake."
What the hell, stop flirting like a schoolgirl Marnie.

He grinned and walked away with a short wave.

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Later that night I got four texts, one more than usual.

hey kid, hope you're doing good, your shows are getting rave reviews, keep it up chick.
Kev xx

thank you :) i think i'm starting fresh, nothing is gunna get me down,
MJ-xxx

The next text was from Joe, oh how I missed the boys terribly.

what's up pretty lady ? i've seen pictures from your shows... AMAZING.
you'll be a superstar in no time, not that you already aren't(: frankie misses you lots... love,
Joe x

thanks jooooseph(: i miss frankie too... i miss all of you. <3 MJ-xxx

The third, from Garbo.

hey dollface, you little rockstar you. have fun darlin, i've been listening to your tunes all day. G x

aww, i miss you loads. keep rockin' (: MJ -xxx

And lastly, the fourth from an unrecognized number.

hey marnie. it's me, sam... the one who's glasses you broke (: so you had a well thought-out plan there huh? digits on the bill, nice work. you wanna catch a movie sometime, something? eh, probably not even your number. sam x

My heart started to beat faster for some reason. This guy just had a spark, something that I've never felt before.

Ok, that's a lie.

I'm fed up with avoiding his name.

NICK.

Nicholas Jerry Jonas.

Thank god that's over with.

I felt that way with Nick all the time, every time he was close or I heard his name, a little fire flickered within me, I felt so warm and relaxed... I didn't think anyone could make me feel like that again.

Maybe it's just an excuse to get over him... yeah?

My mind went on a two-second rollercoaster before I replied.

i'd love to. i'll give you a call tomorrow, a movie sounds great. sorry about your shades...
MJ-xxx

I felt a tiny bit of the puzzle fix in my heart. I know nothing will probably come of it, but still. It was the first glimmer of hope I'd had since the break-up and I think I deserved to have a night out, or a date.

When Nick Jonas crushed me in the palm of his hand, all emotion I saw on his face was like he'd seen a toddler fall, and then he'd just watched them steady themselves, just a kinda 'oopsy daisy' look on his face.

Nick Jonas didn't give two flying fucks about me.

Marnie, what are you saying? You love him.

I loved him.

He loves you.

He loved me.

It's my turn to rebuild my life again, and I have every right to be happy.

Sam, listen up, you've got a lot to live up to.
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