Marnie:
My eyes were red and swollen. I hadn't taken my eyes off the coloured red heart 'o' in the word 'love' on the tape.
I was on my back, laying on my bed, admiring the cassette.
I was probably the only person left to still have a cassette player, and it still being able to function.
I turned over on my front. I felt my ribs protruding through the sheets. They were also sore and ached from me sobbing so much.
I reached under my bed without looking, I knew just where it was.
I pulled out the electric pink and yellow cassette player I'd customised, and pressed the open button.
It flicked out so delicately, and looked as good as new, not as if it had been under my bed for months, gathering dust.
I placed in the tape. Hit play. And listened.
His voice sounded slightly muffled, but what can you expect on a cassette tape?
'Marnie baby,' my heart beat quickened. He can make me feel so incredible even if it is just his voice.
'These songs tell the story of why I have to let you go.'
And just when I thought I'd been dehydrated from my tears, a few more dripped pathetically from my face.
I heard him strum his guitar, and it made me picture how gorgeous he looks with it, his hands dancing along the neck of the instrument like they were born to be together, like him and I... were.
'The first song is about how you make me feel, Marnie, you have no idea how much I love you.'
Then why did you leave me you bastard?!
The song that started, was one he always used to play to me. Not him playing it personally, but I remember once, we were on a long plane ride and he kept it on a loop on his iPod as we shared the headphones.
As he began to sing the first few words my eyes started to pour again.
'Give me more lovin' than I've ever had,
Make it all better when I'm feeling sad,
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not,
...
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad,
Best that I've had, I'm so glad that I found you,
I love bein' around you,
You make it easy, it's as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4...'
As the song continued to play, my whole body was now on a rollercoaster of emotions.
That plane journey was one of the best memories I have.
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FLASHBACK
Nick had a hold of both my wrists while trying to plant me with tingling kisses over the base of my neck. I was wriggling around in the window seat of the plane as he was attacking me with affection.
"Will you two love birds stop be so adorable?"
Joe had leant over our seats, ruffled Nick's hair and playfully wiggled his fingers under my chin.
"Jonas, go back to your own seat, your just jealous."
I mocked, beaming up at my annoying so-called-sort-of brother. Kevin, Joe and Frankie were all like brothers to me, we were always so close and it was always like a family.
"I will, Jonas."
He grinned at me and walked back to his seat.
It was funny how we both had the same surnames. It was just another reason for Nick and I to believe we were made to be together.
As Nick continued to make me giggle under his kisses, his sweet warm breath prickling my skin, and his curls brushing softly against my face, I couldn't help but think how lucky I am to have him in my life.
We were always together, by each other's side, day-in day-out.
Those days when we were a part were the most painful days of my life.
We could have deep, meaningful conversations and they really did mean something to us, we were able to understand each other, when no one else could. We knew when we could play around together acting like those seven year olds we once were. We understood when to be sensible and when to act all crazy and silly. It was a bond I never could never put my finger on, but it didn't matter, because it worked perfectly.
I truly had the most amazing life.
After the countless kisses, he pushed my hands down beside me resting both ours on top of each other's on the seat.
He leant forward, planting a small kiss on my forehead. Retracting slowly he looked deep into my eyes. Our foreheads met, and our noses were just touching one another's.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you." I whispered back.
Suddenly, his fingers wriggled around my waist, squeezing and tickling every part of my body.
As he did this, he smiled. He told me he lived to see me happy. My body, as ticklish as it was, exploded with tingles and excitement and I moved my own fingers jabbing at his waist but it had no effect. Damn him and his beautifully toned torso.
My giggling was attracting some attention from the Jonas clan. As they all walked past to their seats they smiled and laughed at the sight they saw.
When he stopped making me laugh, the buzz that was electrifying through my veins hadn't stopped. Everything he did to me was like shock of euphoria. He was like my heroin, I needed him. He was so addictive and it was scary how dependent I was on him at times.
I was independent. You know, I was able to go and buy some milk by myself, but I mean, no milk-buying trip is as good when it's with Nick.
We snuggled together, our heads resting on each others.
"It's going to be a long trip."
He said, his slight smile creasing into my face.
"Mmm. Well, it's good that I get to share it with you."
I replied, not expecting any unusual response from him.
"What?" He pulled himself backwards a bit, so we were looking at each other.
"Well, I'd rather share it with you than anyone else."
I grinned and we knocked into each other's heads again gently.
I kissed his hairline and smoothed back his curls.
He tucked my hair behind my ear and placed a small kiss on the crease of my eye.
He put on his iPod, us sharing the earphones.
We jammed for about half an hour to some amazing tunes, and then we were getting tired.
"Hey, this song is the perfect lullaby for you."
His lips stretched into a smile and he clicked onto the 'Plain White T's' album. I scrunched up my face, not really being into them that much.
The song started to play and I immediately fell in love with it.
He kept it on a loop, and by the end of it, I was singing the lyrics in my dreams.
I awoke to little pecks on my face.
"Wakey, wakey Marnie baby." I flickered open my eyes and smiled at Nick's face.
"Good to see you this happy, this early Jonas." He winked at me.
"Mmm." I mumbled I stretched out my arms and I felt his hands grip underneath me.
"What are you doing Jonas?" I said, my voice playful and drousy.
He lifted me into a cradling position and started to carry me off the plane.
"Nice baggage." I heard Kevin chuckle as he stroked my shoulder.
My eyes opened to see Joe looking right at me.
"Is little Marnie tired?" He mocked in a baby voice.
"Is baby Joey a borderline tard?" I said in the same voice, and held his chin with my fingers.
"Good to see you still have your humour in the early hours of the morning babe."
Joe smiled and pecked my cheek.
Nick carried me into a bus and we laid down together on a sofa/seat. He ran his fingers through my hair, and kissed my cheek tenderly.
Denise came through and smiled.
"You kids are beautiful. Don't let that go." And with that, she grinned widely, and walked out.
We were all so close. The Jonas family felt like they were my own.
I really loved my life.
It was brilliant.
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'1,2,3,4,
I love you.'
As the song finished my eyes were even bigger than before, as if that was possible.
I paused the tape, and pondered around my room. The pictures that were framed of me and Nick were placed every empty space on my wall.
As a joke, I'd also framed articles about Nick and I which were totally untrue and they made us laugh when we realised how absurd they were.
But then there were two articles that Nick had always assured me were utter lies.
I stood up on my bed and brushed my fingers over them.
Miley and Selena.
'NILEY HOOK-UP'
'Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus have been spotted together holding hands and looking very loved-up. The pair have since been seen at restaurants with each other, having fun backstage and Miley even kissing her rumoured-boyfriend on stage in one of her concerts.'
Nick told me he never thought of her in that way. She was just a friend, the pictures were nothing. She just kissed him on stage for the hell of it, to create attention.
I believed him, because I had seen the footage from the concert and Nick did nothing in return after she planted her pink sweet lips on his cheek.
'GOMEZ GRABS A JONAS'
'Selena Gomez and Nick Jonas have been caught looking very close these past weeks. Personal photos have been leaked of the pair that show clear affection and the rumours seem to becoming even more true. Will this couple admit the romance?'
Nick assured me that the photos were just a bit of fun. Nothing at all serious. They were just goofing around, nothing behind it whatsoever.
I believed him, because I'd met Selena and there seemed to be absolutely nothing going on.
I flopped back down on my bed.
I loved Nick, he was faithful to me. Always.
Just because he's left me doesn't make me any less able to love him.
Then, I heard four knocks at the door.
1.2.3.4.
I walked feverishly out of my bedroom, and made my way to the door.
The figure was tall, dark and had a mass of dark hair upon his head.
My heart beated rapidly, my throat began to dry again.
I pushed down the handle, and opened the door.
"Marnie." His voice breathed out.
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